Stay away from these types!! 1. She values education and career over marriage and relationship. She’s always throwing statements like “Marriage isn’t an achievement” 2. At age 30+ she has more liquor in her refrigerator than fruits and vegetables. 3. She can take down more shots than any of her peers at 30+ who have kids 4. She’s into smoking cigarettes and addicted to weed. 5. Her idea of fun at age 30+ is a night out with the girls. 6. At age 30+ she still insists on only dating men based on what their career is. “He’s a lawyer” “He’s a doctor” “He’s an engineer” 7. The idea of cooking for a man is a total turn-off to her. 8. She has never forgiven her father for abusing her mother, or her first boyfriend used to abuse her and she now thinks every man is violent and controlling. 9. She is so much into fashion, and hair-styling she doesn’t want to be identified as being old in her circles 10. Her job involves a lot of travelling. 11. She can easily find a parking sp
Here are things they wish people would stop saying.
'You don't look like you have autism'
People have told Daniel M. Jones, an author who shares misconceptions about the autistic community on his YouTube channel, "The Aspie World," that he can't possibly be autistic because he has piercings and tattoos.
"All they see is a Sheldon Cooper-type autistic person – this white dude, super good at math, socially awkward, and doesn't talk much, or a kid. That's it, those are your two examples," Jones said.
Young, white cisgender boys are most frequently diagnosed because they were the basis for early autism research, according to studies cited by Duke University, yet anyone can be autistic.
Leanne Libas, an autistic advocate for disability rights and speaker for the National Alliance on Mental Health, pointed out that stimming – repetitive movements or noises to help manage emotions – commonly seen as hand-clapping or petting objects, is not the be-all-end-all of "looking" autistic, either.
"The autistic community is filled with a lot of beautiful people," she said.
'But you're so high functioning'
Haley Moss, an autistic advocate, speaker, author, and attorney, feels that comments like "I never would've known if you didn't tell me" are backhanded compliments.
"Either they're saying that I'm really good at masking or they have a preconceived notion of what autism is and I don't fit it," she said
Masking is a survival strategy where people adapt to fit in and seem neurotypical, rather than neurodivergent (those who experience and interact with the world around them in different ways).
For example, Raven-Derose Wright, a college student who tries to break stigmas on her TikTok page @confidencewithrae, was diagnosed with Asperger's at 11, yet she didn't know it fell under the autism spectrum until recently. She told Insider that the unknown prompted her to try to mask and act "normal" to fit in, rather than accepting her true self, which she recently has.
'Oh, I'm so sorry'
Many of the advocates we spoke to said they don't feel bad about their diagnosis and don't want pity when they disclose it.
"I'm telling you because I want to be proactive, not have misunderstandings, might need accommodations or support, or am proud and it's a fun fact I want to share," said Lyric, who created the blog Neurodivergent Rebel to share resources about autism with their added perspective of being part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Matt Haberer, an IT engineering manager and one half of "The Chronic Couple" podcast, said he doesn't like when people refer to him as "living with autism," as if being autistic is automatically negative or a burden.
"It is not something that I carry around in a bag with me. It's something that makes me who I am and is an intrinsic part of my being," he said.
Similarly, James Ward-Sinclair, the creator of the blog Autistic and Unapologetic, doesn't like that people have turned "being autistic" into an insult.
"People see autism as a problem to overcome, but it's not a problem and it's not something to overcome," he said.
'Why would you want to put a label like autism on yourself?'
Most advocates Insider spoke to said that while they might not want to disclose where they land on the spectrum or talk in terms of severity, they're proud of being autistic and sharing their experiences.
"That label quite literally saved my life," Brandy Haberer, Matt's partner, a singer, activist, and co-host on "The Chronic Couple," said. "It explained so many things that I would beat myself up for. If putting a label helps you and enriches your life somehow then it is extremely important."
Comparing them to an autistic child you know
Jones and Ward-Sinclair said that when they disclose their diagnoses, people often say something like, "My friend's kid is on the spectrum. You look nothing like him!" which they find to be generalizing.
Wright and Lyric said people make assumptions that they're infantile even though they're adults, or make statements that they're nothing like their autistic child. Lyric said people who write this online have no idea who they are as a person or how they acted as a child, so they find those claims to be too personal to respond to.
Libas added, "We all grow up and experience our own things. I'm not gonna be the same person I was when I was 4 years old or 11 years ago when I got my diagnosis. We constantly evolve and change."
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INSIDER
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